Lost Together
by OldSchoolRomantic82
Summary: What if Patterson found comfort in Roman while she is dealing with her trauma and he is dealing with his memory loss?
1. Chapter 1

She looked in the mirror and wasn't sure of who she saw. She had the same face, the same hair and the same eyes, but it was all different. The light in her eyes were gone. She had recovered from her physical injuries, but it was the emotional ones that continued to plague her during the day, but especially at night when the memories had nothing to dull them. She could still feel the burning hot pain as the needle went into her eardrum and was taken back out, each and every time. She could feel the ache and burning of her abdomen where she was shot by the man she loved, or the man she thought he was. Patterson sighed as she continued to get ready for work and tried her best to conceal the dark circles under her eyes. Today was going to be another long day of trying to crack tattoo cases and deter Shepard's Phase Two. She used to love working on these puzzles and finding the way everything fit together and how she and the team would work together to prevent disasters in the nick of time. The adrenaline rush always gave way to a sense of accomplishment and relief and usually a good night's sleep. That all changed after her world was turned upside down. Now all she wanted to do was work until she was sure she would be too exhausted to dream, but that never happened anymore. What was the point anymore she thought to herself as she drove to the NYO. She continued to think this as she prepared to go into the lab.

She'd been working on cracking another tattoo that had signaled on her database when the piercing headache returned. On top of working until she could barely stand and not sleeping, these headaches were a continuous reminder of the betrayal and torture she had gone through because of him. Robert Borden, actually Nigel Thornton, was the reason for everything she was going through. She had let him into her life after talking to him about David, then let him into heart and eventually her body. She thought while they were together, she had finally found happiness after the tragedy she suffered losing David. She felt such guilt about that and she continued to feel that guilt every day. When would things stop hurting? How was she going to find herself when all she felt was lost and numb? She took the pills for the headache and forged on; the team needed her to be on the ball. At least for a little while she would have some reprieve from the thoughts and memories that plagued her.

The team stood around her computer as she told them about the tattoo that might require some help from Roman. The tattoo was located on Jane's arm that was intertwined with one that was solved within the past month. The tattoo led to a name of a wealthy business man, Lincoln Peters, who from what was seen in his bank statements, had several transactions to shell companies that were always changing along with the amounts given. Tracing the transactions and the money, it looked to be well over 70 million dollars. All the shell companies were also tied in with warehouses in the city as well as several different cities around the country. Was this a part of Shepard's plan for Phase Two?

Jane looked around at the team and brought up something that may not be welcome but she needed to voice it anyway. "Do you think if we show Roman a picture of this man that he may have a memory of him? He could be a key player in Sandstorm and Phase Two." She looked at the team warily and then settled her eyes on Weller, hoping that he would agree with her. She then looked at Patterson and silently asked her to back her up on this, that this is a sound idea.

"It wouldn't hurt to try. Roman wasn't given the dose of ZIP that Jane received so maybe he might recover memories faster than she did," Patterson replied. She knew that it was a stretch that he would remember anything of consequence, but it really wouldn't hurt to try and the searching look in Jane's eyes, that desperation that she felt was so similar to what she felt every day. If she could help someone else who is suffering, then she would try. She couldn't make her suffering go away, but she could help lessen it for someone else she cared about.

Weller thought about it for a minute and then said that they could try and see if Roman could sense anything from the picture.

Jane sighed after she showed Roman the picture and he wasn't able to identify the man, though he tried so hard to. He seemed more sullen after not being able to help than before he was shown the picture. Jane felt so helpless to help her brother and had an overwhelming sense of guilt at wiping his memory and lying about it, but everyone thought it was the best thing to do. The team geared up to check out the warehouse on the outskirts of the city that had the most activity over the past couple of days to check it out. Comms ready, Patterson began to track her team and the activity around the building. She heard gunfire, a lot of it, and held her breath. She was finally able to breathe when she heard "clear" from Reade and Zapata and was continuing to wait for the same from Jane and Weller. It was a minute before she heard more gunfire and then the dreaded "we found a bomb!" She instantly received a picture of the bomb and realized what type it was and how to diffuse it. "You have to manually disengage the bomb by reaching in, cutting the red wire while pushing the yellow wire into the device. This has to done at the same time."

"I don't understand how that works," Weller yelled into the comms. Patterson tried to explain the science behind but then decided the best way to get through to him was to say "Just trust me and do it! You only have thirty seconds to diffuse it!" The silence that followed was deafening. She'd been holding her breath until she heard Weller say "the bomb has been diffused. Good job Patterson." The utter relief that no one on her team was hurt today was staggering. This job really did take everything from you. When everyone returned, they went to the locker room to change and get ready to head home. Zapata came by to ask her if she was doing ok and if she wanted to go out to eat or hang out. She contemplated it for a moment and decided she wasn't in the mood. "You need to get out and have some fun and get your mind off of things. We can talk about what's bothering you or we can talk about anything but that," Zapata offered. "I'm worried about you," she said as she laid a hand on her shoulder.

"I know you're worried and I appreciate it but I'm fine, Tasha, I promise." She has been lying to her best friend since the incident with Borden, she didn't know if she would ever be fine.

"I'm just going to finish up some work here and then I'll head home, but thanks for the offer and for caring," she replied softly.

"Always," Zapata responded just as softly. She left after one more pat on her shoulder.

True to her word, Patterson wrapped up a couple of things, gathered her stuff and was going to head home. She remembered when she got on the elevator that she wanted to check something in the interrogation room before she headed home. When she got to the floor, she went straight to the room and found the pad that she had been using to write down anything useful from the interrogation of one of the men from the warehouse who didn't die. There wasn't much written down, but maybe she would be able to see it in a different way in the morning. As she was walking to the elevator, she saw Roman in his cell. He was sitting on his cot with his head in his hands. The was just sitting there with his shoulders slumped and looking utterly defeated. Patterson stood there for a moment to look at him and then he looked up and saw her. She saw in his eyes the same look she saw when she looked in the mirror that morning. There was no light in his eyes, but also a searching look. He was lost. She sighed as she got on the elevator. She knew exactly how he felt and knew that sleep would not come easily tonight, and her dreams would be flooded with the memories of the man she loved and the torture of him betraying her and the actual torture she had to endure. It seemed like an endless cycle that was never going to end.

She didn't know that her life would be altered again.


	2. What's going on

He was in a cage and he didn't know who he was, who he could trust and why he was in FBI holding. He was shown all these pictures of agents that were killed by him, but he didn't remember any of it. Was he a terrible person? Why would he do something like that? He didn't have any answers to any of these questions. All he did know was that he was in a place he couldn't get out of and that terrified him. The only person he had really interacted with was his sister, Jane, who he couldn't remember at all. She spoke to him kindly and seemed to truly care about him, but he still didn't know what to do with all these questions. She would try to answer them as best as she could, but he could tell by her hesitation at times that she was holding things back. She would bring him food, but he just couldn't eat. He couldn't even eat if he tried, his appetite not even a blip on his radar of important things for him.

He had his first flash of a memory and it was absolutely terrifying. He remembered being in a large room with small cots with other children there and getting in trouble. He would get yelled at by this man and then shoved into a dark closet that might as well have been a hole. It was dark and there was no way to get out. Sometimes these flashes of memory would come to him while he was sleeping and he would wake up and all he would see is that hole. There was no one for him to turn to that would let him know that he was safe. All he could do was try to make himself as small as possible on the floor and hope to see the light when everyone came back to the building.

This morning he was shown a picture of a man that his sister asked him to look at and see if he could remember anything about this man. The man looked older and had a nice suit on from the picture. He studied the picture as hard as he could, willing himself to try and remember anything. He came up blank. He told Jane "I'm sorry, I don't recognize him at all. Should I? Is he someone important to me?" Jane looked slightly disappointed that he didn't recognize the man and just said "It's ok Roman, I just thought a picture of someone you saw would trigger a memory. I'll be back to see you as soon as I can." With that, she turned around and left. He felt even defeated if that was possible. What use would he be to anyone if the only thing he could do was have a flashes about this dark closet he would be thrown into. He sighed and went back to sitting on the cot and put his head in his hands.

Later that evening Jane came by as promised and sat on the floor on the opposite side of the glass wall. She still seemed hesitant when she talked to him about his past and even though he didn't really remember, he could read body language. He wanted to push her for information, but he knew that it wouldn't do any good, she wasn't going to tell him any more than she had already told him. She still tried to get him to eat, but he had no appetite; the anxiety he felt about his life and the lack of information he had about it left a knot in his throat and knots in his stomach. After talking a little more, she said she would come see him again in the morning.

When he was sitting on the cot, he saw a blond-haired agent come by his cell to go into another room. He tracked her movement until she was out of sight. He then saw her as she walked back toward his cell to get to the elevator and he saw a glimpse of her face and she was beautiful, but that wasn't what stood out to him. It was her eyes. Eyes that were a beautiful clear blue, but it was a lack of light in her eyes. What happened to her that she didn't have any in her eyes? He pondered that as he put his head back in his hands.


	3. Making changes

She went back to the office the next day after another night of sleep interrupted by nightmares that would have her wake up in a panic. Today required more concealer for the dark circles under her eyes. She would need to drink a lot of coffee today to keep up the appearance that she was ok. She walked up to her computer and started sifting through the tattoos to see if anything would alert her or if she was able to crack another one today. Again, while looking at the database, a massive migraine hit her again, the high-pitched ringing in her left ear came with it as it usually did. Before she could reach for her pain medication, Weller came in to ask her if she had anything. She jumped and put a hand on her chest and yelled at him "Weller, don't sneak on me like that! You scared me half to death!" Weller replied "I didn't sneak up on you. I started calling your name as soon as I walked into the lab. Are you ok?"

No she wasn't ok, but she replied "Yea, I'm fine. Just a little headache is all. Did you need something?" Weller looked at her for a moment and shook his head a little. "I just wanted to see if you found something in the tattoo database or anything more on Sandstorm." Patterson answered his question with a sigh and said "No, I don't have any more information on our guy or anything else with Sandstorm. I'm still trying to get more information about the warehouses that were paid for by Peters. See what they are holding in them." Weller nodded and gave her another look. "Take a personal day Patterson, you look like you could use it. You've been working so much lately on these tattoos and haven't gotten any rest since raid and," he paused "what you went through at the time of the raid."

"No, I'm fine, I'm good. I need to keep working on these tattoos so we can stop Sandstorm. We don't know what or when Phase Two is going to happen, so I need to focus all of my energy working on them." She was desperate to stay at work for as long as she could, she couldn't face going home and seeing Borden there, feeling his presence even though he wasn't there physically. He was engrained in her mind and she could still feel his hands on her body. She didn't think she could ever get rid of those feelings. "This is not a suggestion Patterson, this is an order. If anything comes up, we'll let you know."

"I can't go home Weller, I can't stand being there! All I see is Borden, I mean Thornton, there and feel the torture all over again." Patterson knew she was revealing too much of what was going on with her, but she couldn't go home. "Maybe you could talk with Dr. Song about what you're going through. I can't imagine the pain that you're feeling right now, but maybe talking about it will help." He felt so helpless to help his friend who was like a little sister to him. He felt guilt about failing yet another person.

"Fine, I'll go home, but please let me know if something comes up." She wanted to argue more but knew that it wouldn't change Weller's mind about this. She grabbed her things and started to go home, but decided to do something else. She went to a nearby coffee shop, one that she didn't go to with Borden and pulled out her laptop. She started looking at different apartments, somewhere to start over, where she didn't feel his presence. She found a couple that were available to immediate move in. She called the apartments up and scheduled to visit them today; she was going to move today.

The second apartment was exactly what she wanted, it had a cozy type feel to it and had a completely different layout than the place she was currently living. She had to pay extra for same day movers, but it would be completely worth it to get out of her place. With the move completed, she realized that it was already 7 pm and she hadn't gotten one call from Weller, but she had about a dozen calls from the lab and half a dozen from Reade, Zapata and Jane. She sighed and thought about trying to get settled in at her new place, but the desire to figure out what the lab was trying to get in touch with her about outweighed that feeling. She started to head to the NYO. It was quiet when she walked into her lab and she felt a sense of peace at being alone there. Maybe she could get some work done and then maybe get a workout in as well.

When Patterson finally looked up at the clock, it almost 1 am. She sighed yet again; she hadn't been able to crack another tattoo, get more information about the warehouses or track anything else about Sandstorm. She was about to go to the locker room to change into her workout gear when an image came up in her mind. It was the image of Roman sitting in his cell alone, lost and confused. 'I know what you feel like Roman' she thought. With that image and thought in her mind, she found herself heading to the elevator instead of the locker room. By the time she arrived at his cell, she didn't know how she got there or really what she was doing. Next thing she knew, she told his detail that they could take a break and she would watch him for a while. Both agents looked at each other questioningly, then looked back at her. She pulled back her jacket to show her weapon and said that she would be able to handle herself should she need to. His detail took one more hesitating look at her and told her that they would be back in about 30 minutes. She nodded and then turned her head "Hey Roman, my name is Patterson."


	4. Talking

Roman had another day of staring at the walls around him and feeling so alone and confused. There wasn't much to take his mind off of his thoughts or feelings. No one had come by during the day and Jane had come by before she went home for the day. She still had hesitation in her eyes and though it was human contact, he was getting pretty tired and frustrated by seeing that she was obviously keeping something from him. She still encouraged him to eat, but he still couldn't get himself to eat. He still didn't have any more information than he did from the past few days. He sighed after she left with a 'goodnight' and 'I'll see you tomorrow.'

He was laying on his back on the cot when he heard movement outside his cell. He looked up to see his detail walking to the elevator and the agent he saw the other day standing on the other side of the glass. He heard her say 'Hey Roman, my name is Patterson.' It took him a moment to process that she was talking to him and then he asked "Should I know you or recognize you?" She shook her head and smiled a little. "No, you've never met me before, I work with your sister Jane. I was here late tonight and I thought about you and decided I wanted to meet you. Is it ok that I'm here?" At this point, Patterson realized that this was probably a bad idea. She didn't know Roman, she only knew that he seemed lonely and she felt like she could relate to him.

Roman looked at her and had a slight smile on his face when he lifted his head. "Yea, it's ok that you're here. I just don't know why you're here though. I can't really remember anything that would be useful." His expression went from slightly amused to disappointment. For some reason, that change in his expression broke her heart.

"I don't need any information, I just wanted to come by and talk. I…I…I wanted to talk to someone who didn't really know everything about everything that I've been through for a little bit. I know probably doesn't make sense and is pretty silly now that I think about it. That sounds pretty selfish and weird and I don't think I'm explaining this well. I just…I just…" she knew she was rambling nervously but couldn't seem to help it.

The look of amusement appeared on Roman's face again when he looked at her and noticed that she seemed nervous. "I get it. It's nice to talk to people who don't really know about you, but I guess that's the opposite for me. I don't know anything about myself so this conversation may be a little one sided." Patterson chuckled a little at that. "I guess I can't really relate to that, but maybe we can talk about random things like, I don't know…do you prefer coffee or tea? Jane said she brought you both the other day." Roman had a genuine smile on his lips when he remembered trying both. "Coffee, definitely. The tea tasted terrible!" the look of disgust crossed his face while he shook his head. He looked at her and asked "What about you? Coffee or tea?" Patterson laughed at that and said, "definitely coffee. I'm kind of addicted to it." Roman had a look on his face that Patterson couldn't really read. "What?" she asked. Roman continued to have that look and said "you have a really nice laugh and smile." He looked as surprised as she did after he said that. They didn't have time to contemplate further on what they were talking about because his detail returned from their impromptu break.

Patterson gave a small smile to Roman and said "Would it be ok if I came by tomorrow night? I'll even bring coffee" she said hoping for some reason that he would say yes. Roman smiled and said "you mean tonight?" He looked up at the clock and Patterson followed his eyes. It was a little after 2 am. She giggled a little at that, she hadn't even realized what time it was. Actually, for the first time in a while, she wasn't thinking about anything but the conversation she was having. Roman smiled at her, taking her breath away, and said "I'd like that."

Patterson gave a genuine smile and a little wave and said "I'll see you tonight then. Good night Roman." She turned and headed toward the elevator to leave and try to get a couple of hours of sleep before she had to be back at work. "Good night Patterson" Roman said softly after he saw the elevator door close. He laid back on the cot smiling and began counting down the hours until he would be able to see this intriguing Agent Patterson.


End file.
